It was 5 weeks ago today, that my son came into the world. Greyson Henry Sandau is the little darling’s name and it has been a great pleasure getting to know him. I am honored to have been “selected” as his parent…to be able to provide an environment of pure love and openminded support…to let him show us who he wants to be and to gently encourage him towards his dreams. I can’t wait to learn from him and watch as this beautiful love story continues to unfold.
Along with the birth of Baby Grey, I have been watching the birth of me as a new mama and it has been an entirely new story for which I never could have anticipated.
These past 5 weeks have been extremely busy, often tough and pretty much always exhausting. It goes without saying that I am head over heels in love with Grey, but with my new role as “Mama”, I am amazed at how little time I have for anything. Fortunately, help is around the corner, as we now have a childcare plan in place and I will be resuming my Life Coaching practice and other such signs of normalcy this month.
Before I jump back into that “more normal” life, I wanted to memorialize my sentiments here on “The Unexpected Joys of Being a Mama (a tale of Discovery).” As a follow-up to my last blog, “The Unexpected Joys of Being Preggo (a tale of Surrender), I want to share what I have found most interesting and of course, most hilarious. So here we go –
#1 – I am FINALLY too busy to keep wasting time
Second to the obvious immense love I feel for my little boy, my husband and the new family we have formed, my FAVORITE joy of being a new mama is that I am too busy to waste time on anything but the most critical of priorities in my life. It is pretty funny when I consider the worries and concerns I once had prior to parenthood. I realize now that I would spend hours contemplating and talking about what I should or shouldn’t do in various situations. It may seem like a luxury to have had so much time to analyze ME, but I find it a HUGE breath of fresh air to finally be past this wasteful period of wallowing. I now have laser focus. As a Life Coach and devotee of the concept of “Knowing Thyself”, I have always been crystal clear on my life goals and my Vision Plan. With my new laser focus, however, I am getting straight to the core of it all and taking action at lightning speed.
Now that I have 10% of the time I once had, all but the most essential components of my life are set aside. In my current state without childcare, my precious breaks are given to the survival basics (eat, shower, sleep) and on a really good day, I can steal an hour to tend to more luxurious tasks such as light cleaning, returning a few calls, writing some thank you notes, etc. Now that childcare is around the corner, I will be returning to work and I am thrilled at what this new focus means for my business. I once procrastinated on some of my larger (and thus, intimidating) projects, but with my new reality, I am looking forward to jumping right in and maximizing my limited time. I can’t wait to see what I produce as a result of this little boy coming into my life.
As Buddha once said, “The trouble is, you think you have time.” I no longer think this and as a result, I see the benefits of pursuing my dreams and goals without even a minute of hesitation.
#2 – I have so much more appreciation for the little things
In my former pre-baby life, I was picky and even a little rigid about how I wanted things to be. Compared to most, I would have been considered very laid-back, but compared to my new role as Mama, I was a far different person. For example, if I was going out to eat, I had a lot of preferences about which restaurants, which foods and even found myself a bit disappointed if service was slow or the experience in any way was lacking. These days, I could care less! I am so thrilled to be enjoying even a minute of being served, talking with adults and not having to “do” for others. My first meal out was breakfast at IHOP with my husband. The baby slept on my chest and I had to reach around to eat my meal (and try not to drop anything on his head!). I told my husband that it was as enjoyable as dining at a 5-star restaurant. I had a blast and all we did was dine at IHOP. The former Meghan would have wanted a nice brunch in a pretty restaurant with mimosas. In my new life, however, I find so much joy with so much less. I used to say I required 9 hours of sleep each night and I am now ecstatic with 5 or 6. Yesterday, I was without baby for the first time and driving with the windows down and the music up made me feel like a rockstar…as if I had had a night out with the girls…those 30 minutes gave me that much joy. The simple pleasures mean so much more to me and I am so grateful to have reached this state.
#3 – I worry even less about what others think
I have always proclaimed myself to be a master at this one, but it’s amazing how it has now gone to a whole different level. One of my biggest “life lessons” and a message on which I consider myself to be an expert, is on the art of honoring yourself first before honoring another. This means knowing who you are and protecting and honoring that part of yourself to such an extent, that you would never allow another to deplete you or distract you from this. It’s about creating healthy boundaries in your life and creating distance from anyone who would take from you, rather than support you. While it may seem selfish at first-glance, I have learned that when we honor ourselves first, we have FAR MORE to give to the world around us. As I said, I am reallllyyy good at this one, but with so little time, I am now even better.
With so little time, I have to give what I have to my top priorities. As I have shared in former blogs, my top priorities consist of (1) God (my spiritual connection), (2) My Husband & Son, (3) My Life’s Work (Coaching, Writing, Serving) and (4) my physical health. Of course I love so many family members and friends and have so many hobbies and adventures I love to pursue, but I have to give the majority of my focus to these Top 4 priorities, in order to honor myself and do what I believe I am here to do with this precious life I have been given.
As I mentioned in #1 & #2 above, I must have laser focus and do not have the luxury of waffling. I have learned that all good relationships worth maintaining are the ones that are supportive and understanding. I sadly don’t have the time to keep up with all of the fabulous people I love, but I now spend far less time even worrying about it…I know that those who know how to honor me are too busy honoring themselves to be analyzing why I haven’t been in touch. I also know that when a friend is in need, I would drop everything to be there. Despite this, true love is strong love without restriction or obligation and I love that Mamahood makes this ever more clear.
#4 – I have never had more conviction about the importance of choosing a Mountain Mover for your life partner
My biggest passion project is around a teaching and a book I have written called “Mountain Movers” (book to be released in 2015). It is based on my life’s experience of romantic relationships and the discovery that each of us deserves the kind of love in which we would both Move Mountains to be with the other. In any relationship, people are either acting as Mountain Movers or the opposite (Pebble Pushers) and it is critical that you choose a Mountain Mover if
you say you want the kind of love that uplifts, cherishes and protects you. It is about two individuals who strive to be the best in their own lives who come together to give the best to each other. I have discovered that you must be sure you are choosing a Mountain Mover for a life partner, or otherwise be doomed in a relationship that is more often “good enough” than one that forever protects, honors and uplifts you.
Now that I am a Mama, I realize more than ever how critical it is to choose a Mountain Mover for your life partner. Until you experience having a baby together, you truly can’t fathom how much hard work it is. This time more than ever, you NEED to have a strong relationship and know that you have a pure and deep love that can’t be weakened when life gets tough. I have expressed gratitude for my husband hundreds of times since the birth of Greyson. I can’t imagine raising a child in a relationship that caused me drama, pain, or even doubt. It is wonderful to have such a solid foundation and have total confidence that we can weather this temporary life storm together.
#5 – I strive for good enough vs. perfection
I once valued my pursuit of perfection and felt it was an admirable goal. Over the years, I thankfully came to realize that seeking perfection was actually a sign of weakness, as it signals a lack of confidence and keeps you away from accomplishing what you are really meant to achieve. Motherhood has only furthered this insight for me. Being perfect in any sense of the word is nowhere even near my reach and what a relief that is!
I am sleep-deprived and less witty in my conversation. I am embracing that part of me and able to laugh when there are unusually long delays in my responses, as my brain tries to catchup. I often run out the door with stained clothing and hair in a bun, but it’s better than not getting out the door at all. My house is a bit of a mess, but I’d rather work on my more important life priorities than have a perfect home. I have a deep knowing that so long as I continue to focus on my main life priorities, everything works out. I go for good enough and as an added bonus, I share this openly with those around me, hopefully inspiring others to shoot for the same.
Speaking of “good enough”, I am going to hope this blog meets that mark. I am out of time and have to run now…wishing everyone a BEAUTIFUL day.
Lots of love,